I am about to get swimmer-geeky here and go onto a rant about swimming in London.  If you're not a swimmer the below is not going to make sense or be of any interest to you.

As someone who is used to (and I guess you could say spoiled by) swimming 4-5 days a week in relatively decent pools back in the US, it has been a struggle for me to try to find a good  place to swim here in London.  Don't get me wrong, I had lowered my expectations accordingly before I arrived: London is an old, crowded city, and pool space here is a premium.  Blah blah blah.

I found a good Masters team here, but the issue is that they workout mostly in the evenings, and it has been a bitch for me to try and make it to the pool in time to make the workouts.  I'm either working late (not something I have a lot of control over) or going out for a drink with friends after work (yes, I do have control over that). 

Why is it so important that I swim while I'm here?  Two reasons: 1) I have a Championship meet in July, just three short weeks after I get back to the States, so I can't fall out of shape, and; 2) it keeps me from going insane. It is my drug. 

So I found a pool close to the office so that I could swim on my own in the mornings [note: this is an extreme measure for me because a) I've already given money to the Masters team so now I am in effect paying double just to spalsh around in a pool, and; b) I hate swimming on my own because I like having teammates and a coach to motivate me.  But ya gotta do what ya gotta do.]  This new pool is OK.  But like most of the pool here, it is old, a bit grungy and small (it has three lanes).

There is a slow lane, a medium land and a fast lane.  And having swum in enough pools with this set-up, I think it is about time we laid down a few ground rules about swimming in the Fast Lane.  Personally, I think every pool in London should print this list out and post it where each and every patron should read it before jumping in.  Here goes...

Ground Rules for the Fast Lane:  As the name suggests, the fast lane is for swimmers who are, in fact, fast.  Therefore:

1. If you are not a fast swimmer, don't swim in the Fast Lane. And you know who you are. All it takes is a few seconds in the pool, and you can figure out if you're a fast swimmer.  I do not have much experience ice scating, but I know enough to know that if I had to choose a lane at an ice rink, I wouldn't go into the fast lane.
2. A quick mention about equipment.  Any fast swimmer is going to be someone who has experience swimming.  Any swimmer that has experience is going to own a pair of goggles.  Therefore, if you jump into the Fast Lane and you don't have or own a pair of goggles, you don't belong in the Fast Lane.  Trust me, you don't.  And you there -  girl in the bikini from Miss Sixty - a fast swimmer would not show up to a lap pool in a bikini; you don't belong in the Fast Lane. Don't care how badly you want to impress the lifeguard. So get out of the Lane so the rest of us can swim. 
3. If you don't know how to do a flip turn, you don't belong in the Fast Lane. You just don't.  Now, there's no shame in not knowing how to do a flip turn. That's fine. You just belong in the Medium or Slow Lane.
4. A quick mention of body types. Yes, all types of us can be good swimmers, but I think we can all make a few assumptions. You - Mr. Rotund Man (and I am not talking about a guy who is a bit "big" or maybe even just "fat." I mean rotund in the literal sense) - who do you think you're kidding? You are not a fast swimmer and have no place in the Fast Lane. Don't get me wrong, I applaud your efforts for getting the excercise. I really do. But just not in the Fast Lane.  Get out.  And the guy who looks like a Cambodian Refugee, shuffling across the deck on the way to the Fast Lane? Dude, you're frail and weak and are SO not fast. You can barely lift your feet to walk. I don't care if there are already lots of people in the Slow and Medium lanes. Jump in the Fast Lane and I swear to God I will eat you for breakfast.

There, I feel better (until tomorrow morning when I have to go through all this crap again).  At the end of my workout a guy in my lane says to me, "Wow, you're fast." I was nice and thanked him for it.  But what I really wanted to say was, "And that's why I'm in the Fast Lane.  What's your excuse?"

And on a final note (since I'm on a tangent), let's talk briefly about London's bid to host the 2012 Olympics. I love London and of course support them in their bid.  But honestly, a city that doesn't have...

1. the Respect for the Swim (if you did, at minimum you would have...)
2. ... a decent swimming facility (someone told me that there is indeed a 50-metre pool within the city limits somewhere, but I don't believe her),
3. nor a history of anything remotely close to success in a sport that is a cornerstone of the Olympics (i.e. swimming),

... has no business bidding for them. 

There, I've said it; let the flame mail begin.